I normally don’t do these but
#KOTD because @davidbfung did one.
#airjordans #retros #doyouknowwhatnumbertheseare
I normally don’t do these but
Andre first ride, 14inch wheels in the back and like 6 inch in the front? pushpower? #graco #teambabyandre (at Citadel Outlets-LA’s Choice for Outlet Shopping)
finally put on my spiderman “big kid” from @johnnycupcakes
…spiderman might of gained a couple pounds from all their cupcakes :) #johnnycupcakes #spiderman #bigkidtee #superheroes #parkerwentfat
had to do my grocery shopping today after work since I work tomorrow -_- I’m never coming here on a weekend again #groceries #food #lunch (at Walmart Rosemead)
"Pierrot Le Fou" (1965) dir. by Jean-Luc Godard
Showing Some Love For The Crush
Elizabeth Tran 😍
I’ve always been told that I’m a nice guy, that I’m a nice and caring guy, but there’s always been a “but,” that so called “but” has only come from a relationship aspect, even so, believe me when I do say this, I do believe I am a nice guy, I do believe I am worthy of someone out there, I also have come to believe a little less and less as the days have gone by me, believe not in finding the one but believing that the one will come along, a part of me has come to accept that it’s okay for one to never find someone to give it all to and receive that same type of love in return.
One thing that has changed in recent time is my ability to recall my dreams or nightmares depending on the scenario, I can remember during high school when I couldn’t remember my dreams, I would just wake up with thoughts such as what am I doing today or what was I thinking about, my transition between sleeping and waking up felt like a sudden flash or a blink to be more exact, but this all changed recently, when I met you I began to recall these dreams, dreaming of the next couple years, dreaming of the next couple moments we will spend, not even intimate moments, just moments where I could be face to face with you and watch you smile til you felt exhausted, replay moments we already have gone through, reexperience all those emotons and butterflies fluttering their wings, pointing out mistakes and corrections in my mind and jotting down notes right next to them so I can be perfect next time around, I slept with you on my mind and woke up with you in my thoughts, from your smile to the way your eyes opened wide as day when we talked, now I just wish I could forget and not recall these memories, these constant burdens I continue to replay like an old record in my mind, now I see all the mistakes I made, now I really do doubt every single flutter these wings gave off, now I doubt these emotions everything from your beautiful eyes to your captivating smile, you might be thinking why is this still an issue, can’t you just move on? I can and I am but the problem is that all this, all this was real for me, and some days I do feel it lifting off my shoulders little by little but then there’s days when you are mentioned and I am brought back to square one, square one when I first found your so lovely smile, I still do remember your first words, “haha oh I’m Angela by the way”
the trick is to roll with it, just take the hits and fall, as your getting back up remember to smile, remind whoever may be watching that it was fun to fall and you’ll take it all over again if you have to, don’t let it show that it’s getting to you in anyway, don’t let the tears fall, if they do, laught, claim that you haven’t been this happy in such a long times, if you look angry, remember you were just thinking about something important that’s why you looked angry, oh and it wasn’t anger it was concentration, if you get asked twice, make sure to be sarcastic, it shows that a either you’re a dick or you have a interesting sense of humor. it does suck that you have to cover up your own emotions, but if this world has taught us anything its that in order to make it, you have to fake it til it seems legit, wear whatever you want to fit into until it’s normal, tell yourself the same excuse until you start to believe it, but most importantly no one wants to hear you complain, so just smile and move on forward.
I do think about you often, I do feel as if I should be more angry, but what will anger accomplish that I can’t have worth lasting, I don’t want to feel this pain forever and being angry isn’t going to help me at all, I don’t want to be reminded of this torture either but all I see is that it’s all blowing up in my face, I’m that nice guy that will always get screwed over, the nice guy finishing last because of a fragile heart, a heart to timid to make a move due to self confidence issues, a heart fragile to the point of breaking but with an interesting ability, the ability to regenerate with time, things might not come back to place as they were before but definitely come back to something usable, something that may, with time, be used once more but another person, something that maybe this time around won’t be stomped on like before. with all that being said I am not angry, with all this being said I cannot come to tell myself you were wrong in doing so, you definitely had your own way of doing things and your own reasons, I may not know them but I have to respect them, for now I will just smile at the good moments, smile and cross my fingers I soon stop tormenting myself from thus everlasting pain.
I miss talking to people, I’ve become so torn apart that it’s just easier for me to get by without anyone here, keeping myself distracted from people.
just keep your calm, keep that cool in check, make sure you don’t let it come out without permission, make sure your own emotions don’t begin to tilt over and over, even as your head plays tricks on you and reveals to you what you really want, remember it is over and it is never going to happen so just smile til your grin becomes second nature, smile until you feel your bones hurt from the force, smile until those muscles know who is in control and no accidental sorrow can be escaped.
the more I do, the more I feel myself slipping, but I know the second I stop and take a breath I will lose it, I will lose this state of mind and do something that I might regret, something small something minor that will make me look like the fool in all of this, you are long gone so why should I even worry about the possibilities that slipped through the cracks, the image of forever doesn’t have a chance of existing anymore, this time I just hope that my heart gets the message early on, if not then there really isn’t purpose to trying to get to the other side, the side in all of this where it makes more sense than just sitting around waiting for something to happen, the other side where possibilities are endless and smiles are a custom to every moment I come across…
Ive been having these headaches lately, they kick in whenever they want, they come and go without notice, with all this happening it’s making it seem as if they are the reason for them.
I would try and fix this silence, this measurement of distance, that’s something I would not hesitate to do, fix things, it’s something I am actually good at, making sure things are clear, the way I prefer things to be, but just like you’ll think, it’s not always the cae for me, I’m actually normally facing the worse side of things, but why conplain, I am alive, I have a home, I own a car, I have a decent job and opportunity, but I still find myself reaching for more, reaching for those small little things which make things wort the risk and the gamble, I am no longer sure if I have finally reached the point of no return or if my own conscious has actually thrown in the white towel to end all thus misery, to finally be able to say I am done trying seems completely foreign to me, and while foreign is being brought up giving up is another thing which I don’t do lightly, I would rather push things to their limits, go as far as I can possibly go and then come out looking like a dam fool, but that part of me which was always so optimistic about things has grown tired of all these brusies, he has been left waiting for a better day for what now seems like years, years of constant disappointment not only changes you but it leaves you damaged and beyond the point of self repair and it’s not that self recovery is no longer an option but the idea of repairing and repairing to only be left broken time and time again is just so tedious, so why bother fixing what will be broken in a few moments, let’s just save ourselves the trouble and call it quits while we still have pieces of what we used to be before all these bruises became normal.
I woke up this morning before my alarm, I woke up with the memory of a “nightmare” situation, it was not the worse possible thing that could ever happened, it was not related to death or physical pain, anot issue so minor that most would not even consider it an issue at all, in this memory you came back, you suddenly made an appearance, acted as if the past couple weeks did not exist, I could feel my blood boiling, I could feel my heart breaking in my chest as I smiled through my teeth, as my pride tried to claw itself out of my throat after I had to swallow it as a whole, it was a never ending conversation with my thoughts, you and my actual words, I can feel every single dam wound opening up one more time, I could feel everything hurting from the immense pain I caused myself and had to learn to move on with, the first thing I did as I woke up was tell myself to get it together and stop it as a I wiped away one tear.
found this in my adventure of today.
I need these everywhere now.
#nocashproblems (at Westfield Santa Anita Mall)